I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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