Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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