NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
