I feel like I'm in dance class right now
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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