3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
