Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
