Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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