it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
