Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
