I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
