"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
