Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
