She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
