I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
