In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
where am i from again
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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