the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize