i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
