Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
