Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
