and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
