I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
