Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I skipped work to stalk him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
