I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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