so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
