I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Randomize
