Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
