DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
wow bdsm is so cute
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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