It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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