i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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