I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
