I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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