My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
