Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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