ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
