I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
