so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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