that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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