just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
