the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
