it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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