Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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