i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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