ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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