I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
