Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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