She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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