Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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