My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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