the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize