Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
