i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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