you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
the liver wants what the liver wants
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
