He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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