We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
