why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
