I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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