First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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