we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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