why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Randomize
