have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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