just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
