Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
