If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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