he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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