she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
